I ruined my life because of what i did when i was younger, its so awful ?

I don't see you did anything others haven't done. That's the age almost every normal person experiments. Depends on how fast your body matures. From what you put here, there's nothing to even be upset about let alone feel guilty. Do you expect to know about bodies and sex drives by osmosis? Curiosity is normal. Obsessing about it is not.